Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
