can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
