do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
