Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He did a backflip because drugs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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