every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
