It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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