think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
