We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
