had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
