Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
