So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
