She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
