Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
