Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
