I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
