dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
