I wish I only lived at night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
