I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
