If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
