I cannot find my penis.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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