I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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