Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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