whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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