alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
