I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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