i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
