Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
