Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
