yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
