sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
