I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
