I hate your face
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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