I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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