Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
