you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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