I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
