A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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