he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
