we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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