Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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