There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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