I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
