in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
