ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
