Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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