i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
