is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
