I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
