I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
