There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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