Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
