He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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