I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
