Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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