yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
