i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
